2/9 - I have become victim to the consumeristic nature that is the internet

 Hi y'all, this is a self critical post today, as I have recently come to terms with my spending habit on clothing getting much worse again, especially after a good chunk of time I was doing ok. 

I think my biggest regret of 2025 was just how much I was buying clothes, and in a way, I am still buying clothes. I feel like any gal can make this mistake, but for me, it's a problem I have. And this is not the first time something has happened where I get really into something and put my entire financial income towards it, and sometimes even furthering the debt I've gotten into because of it.

The overall shopping problem is 2 things for me; 1) the social media infection of wanting to buy and share to flex. Though I don't like to call myself an influencer, content creator, I am definitely falling to flex culture, not in the same way of buying luxury pieces, but cute brand pieces that make my wardrobe pop. and 2) Feeling out of control in my life, and feeling like buying cute clothes is a way to control my life. Topic number 2 is more of a therapy discussion if anything. 

I guess also not in a blaming way but I do also have a father who spends money like crazy at times, he has also been working on it these past few years which has been inspiring me to work on it as well.

When it comes to gyaru specifially, I feel like though I very much enjoy the stereotypical ma*rs looks, I've been wanting to expand myself into more onee agejo pieces and just collecting... collecting... collecting... It never feels like I have enough. Thrift stores are also quite dangerous as if something is sort of cute and I don't have to pay shipping... customs... I will buy it right them, and most of my regret purchases are the thrift store items.

Some things I've noticed with my shopping is:

• If I want a pricier item, I usually try to offset it buy buying a lot of cheaper things... but eventually I buy the pricier item too. I also try to offset by buying something at the thrift store... but then it's not the same, it doesnt work out... I still buy the item from Japan.
• I will add random shit to my cart to justify shipping prices. I think I have to stop that.
• I keep buying shit for the wrong season. I have like no cold weather shit. My god!!!
• Winter I tend to dress up a lot less just because it's too cold and I'm too busy, but I feel like I need to push back on it. 
• I will buy something because I see someone else wearing it and I think it's cute but it's not cute on me. 
• The more mentally bad I am the more I shop to try to fill the void.

Ok I did say therapy is important but with minimal detail...

Valentines weekend sucks every year for me since like... 2023 LOL! Something wild has happened each fucking year and I just hope 2026 is a good year for once. I think with all of that and some other things going on, I just have resorted to buying so many cute clothes.

I think my solution is to push through this weekend and it will be good!!! It's going to be so fun... Devon and Gary and Lyn and MJ and Ryan and so many more friends... so much friendship... and just probably no spending money at the con this weekend LMFAOOOOOOOOO.

And also with social media, especially the western side... I may keep posting hauls, but I might also hold off and work on sharing more outfits and other gal things... yes shopping is a part of it but I think I want to focus more on the being the gal part vs just buying clothes... auuugh!!! I just think I spend too much.

And for now, with the final final final final haul coming in, I shouldn't need anything else from Japan for awhile, like lenses eventually... like in a few months. I'm hoping to pass my blackjack audition in a few weeks and get the second job. I'm hoping with that I'll feel more in control with my life.