8/17 - Things I regret buying as a gal

 Trying to be more mindful of my purchases and I thought I would go through and type out some various types of purchases of things I've regretted buying. This way I can look back on it and truly think about my purchase history and stop myself before buying it again. I'm also just trying not to doom scroll on my phone so I figured just typing out my thoughts here would be good!

• + Items for a one time look - I always want to wear something new and unique to fun events, in a way I think it's to show up and beat my previous look, but honestly... what's wrong with a repeat... or changing it up in a fun way! But I've made many purchases that were a one time wear and I've looked at the item and said... wow I really have nowhere else to wear this now huh! A lot of this is the more glitzy old school kyaba dresses. My modern day kyaba dresses I can get away with wearing out more I think, but the frilly homecoming ones... its just more difficult!
• + Kiss Lash Glue - I don't know why, I can never go back to this since I used dollywink. It just never works right for me, my lashes will be falling off within an hour or two sometimes.
• + Heroine mascara and eyeliner - This might be controversial, but I just am not a fan. With the mascara, you really need to either scrub with an oil based cleanser or have the specific mascara remover. The liner also dries out super fast and it is hard to apply, even with the brush tip applicator which is my usual go to for liners. Very disappointing. Branding is very cute but agh.... 
• +Old pleather items. These peel so fast it's disappointing for real.
• +The same thing in another color - WHY BRENNA............ JUST PICK ONE COLOR...... I've started forcing myself to have one kyaba dress in each color (the only exceptions are blue and pink... I have 3 of each I fear). And if I like a style of dress, why get it in the same color? Just pick the color that works best.
• +Things other gals tell me I need. I'm starting to stop myself before listening to other gals because... am I buying the item to impress other gals? Or am I buying it because I really want it myself? There's been a massive push from gals and like... yes get your bag but I have to stop myself before being influenced I fear.
• +Purple lenses - They just don't fucking work on my blue eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I want a natural lens I gotta just go with blue!!!!!!!!!

8/13 - Shopping addiction is not fun. Addiction is not fun.

This is a personal post, in reaction to seeing someone mention a shopping addiction in a paid partnership promotion. I won't name this person as I don't want to send them any negativity, but I feel like the gal community always makes light of shopping addiction and consumer culture, but I know for me personally, this has been a very serious issue and I just feel like being a bit vulnerable about it might help someone else out.

I know I used to joke about it, but I've become more self aware of my problem as I have become a casino dealer, and I have become in much closer of a proximity to gambling addiction. Additionally, I've become more aware of people in my proximity with alcohol addictions. Addiction in general sucks, and its hard to get out of. I am sympathetic towards those in addiction, and at the same time, I've become hyper aware of myself and my shopping addiction. 

For me personally, shopping used to be the only way I felt in control of my life. Up until these past few years, I felt like my life was being decided for me. I felt like the outcome of my life depended on the decision of others, and my life was going in a direction I did not like. Shopping and buying things I enjoyed helped me feel more in control. It wasn't even with gal, there was the time I bought the same CD 30+ for the limited edition can badges. I would buy oodles and oodles of merchandise of my favorite characters to just stare at in my room.

With gal, it got worse with the clothes. There's so many clothes, lenses, accessories, wigs, just so much to be able to buy and it's hell. Opening a magazine and seeing a piece of clothing I HAD to have. There's also the flex culture in gal too, having the most brand, the most unique pieces, etc...  HELL! I own the same coat in 3 different colorways. I spent 2 grand on one of them out of pure fucking spite. It did have a serious effect on my shopping habits. Additionally, going to anime conventions did not help. Those places can be money pits if you're not careful. 

Where can this end up? Debt. Lots of debt. It's not fun, and being in an endless pit of debt where you try to crawl out, but then one relapse and months of hard work... fallen down the drain. 

It's not a fun marketing thing, you really need to think about what you buy, why you buy, and if you'll wear it. I have so many pieces in my closet I've yet to wear, I had items I bought years ago, wore once, and I am finally coming to terms I need to part with it for the sake of my sanity. It's not fun, it feels guilty to remove all the clothing. Also if you're reading this hounding for my wardrobe fuck off I have a queue of gals I ask first before I make it publicly available to anyone else.

I wanted to link a video I watched recently How brands sell to lonely girls

It hit a lot with me, a lot of the times I shopped was when I felt lonely or my life wasn't in control. Recently, there's been a big life event where I feel out of control, but I am going to take control of my life. There is also a life event where I feel like I'm in control and its balancing out well... it's nice. I think filling my life with things where I feel happy and in control... I'm less likely to spend money. Also less anime cons. I'm actually going to like. Maybe 1 next year. I plan to sort through my cosplays soon and like, purge a whole lot.

I do want to end this on a positive note, I recently looked at my finances, and applied and got approved for a loan to consolidate my debt. I should be able to pay it off in 4 years with the minimum payment. I'm going to be able to pay off one of my student loans at the end of this month, I'm going to really be able to start putting money aside in savings, I'm really excited for this new journey.

I'd also like to try and document the items I haven't coordinated and try to coordinate them. Maybe this is another post, but I've been transitioning from agejo to ane agejo/modern kyabajo, and with that, I've been cycling my wardrobe, but I think it's finally at a place I literally don't need anything else. But there's still a lot to wear... so I will do my best to wear them all.

TLDR... please don't joke about addiction in your marketing posts. Addiction is serious, it's not fun.