2/23 - Trust

 Recently, I've come across another situation I have learned is very common in life, a situation where I realized I could not trust someone (or in this case, multiple people). It's not anyone in the gyaru space, but something I figured I'd type out on my blog to release my emotions and understand my own frustration. 

Situations like these really bother me, as I am a very trusting person on default. There's social cues I keep an eye out for to learn if I can trust people or not, so I have filtered out a lot of people, so rarely do I allow people I don't trust in my life.

Thanks to my friend Earl, I realize I have dealt with 4 instances of this in life. Some with similarities, some with none.

The first was 2016-2019. The Second was 2023-2025. The Third was 2025. The fourth is currently ongoing. If anything, it's been something going on since 2023 as well, but it's only become more and more apparent. 

I think what is the most interesting similarity is all 4 instances deal with someone I did not personally trust, but with someone I was introduced to via a mutual party. I think if usually someone I trust puts their trust in someone else, they can be seen as trustworthy. This is a bad idea I have learned. You must learn to trust them yourselves. 

The most frustrating part of realizing you cannot trust someone, is realizing many things told to you have been lies. I hate being lied to. It causes a lot of discomfort.

I think in the 1st, 2nd, and 4th instance, I realized multiple people were feigning politeness, and have an issue they don't want to speak to me about. I will say it took until 2025 for me to come to terms that difficult conversations are important for growth, so I will note I would not have spoken of issues with the 1st or 2nd as I was not a mature person. When it came to the third person, I will also admit there was a glimmer of hope and I gave them a first chance, but they blew it within an hour, and I removed them from my life.

Speaking of the solution? Is it possible to remove people who you don't trust in your life? Fully? I think so. I have done it three times already. All three in an immature way of just cutting off almost all contact. It's not the best, but if I cannot trust them as a friend, would one conversation make them change? I think not. 

The current situation is much more difficult, but I realize as I type this, I have hit the point where I am on the outside of the situation and realizing I was lied to. However in this case, I cannot just silently burn the bridge as this situation has too much at play. My current emotions are hurt and frustration. Hurt because I thought connections were better, hurt because I didn't realize something was wrong. Frustrated that I have to find things out due to an accidental slip of the tongue, or via banana phone (which some of the banana phone isn't even trusted.)

However, I will be ok. Typing this out helped a lot. But I think with a session of complaining, I must take something and learn from it.

1) Trust my gut and my gut only. Even if a trusted friend vouches for someone, I must learn to trust them on my own. 

2)Prove my trustworthiness to people, which means being honest, being open to communicate, and approachable, and being able to come to a solution.

3)Oddly enough, I need to take people's word. It backfires on someone who isn't saying the truth, but if I take their word, is there anything truly wrong I am doing? I cannot take what someone says and twist it because I don't trust them, I cannot spend this energy trying to figure out what they're saying.

4) I must not let this consume my life. Untrustworthy people are meant to lose to a more formidable foe than me. I am just a gyaru goddamnit.

1/11 - The year of actually going through with the bit

Hello!! I come with some yap today, as I am in the process of preparing for some big life changes, and plans to make more. Which is kind of crazy for 2026 as all of 2025 I said "I don't need big changes anymore. I just want some sameness." This blog is also a less gal but more just in general, which I have tied to one of my "bits". 

So what is my 2026 looking like? 2026 I joked initially of "year of rest", but 2026 is moreso my year of "I am actually going through with the bit". The "bit" being a goal of mine or a sidequest idea I've had in my head for while. 

So what are the main bits of the year?

• To become a table games dealer at a casino. I actually started working on this during December of 2025, where I was looking for places to learn table games skills and there's actually a community college nearby that works in partnership with the casino in my state, so you take the class, and get a job as long as you pass the trials. Initially I was just like "Free class and maybe I can use these skills to get a parttime gig!" But actually ended up with a second full time job. I am keeping my current daytime position and spoke about this with my bosses, as the schedule they want me for the tables games job is like. 8pm-4am. 
• The exciting part of this bit is having extra money on the side to put towards paying off my credit card debt and student loan debt. I doubt i'll have it all paid off this year, but even just getting the CC out of the way in 2026 would be a lifesaver. 
• The bit you might be wondering about is: Brenna when do you fit in sleep? I've thought about this a lot, even when I got accepted I sat down with myself and thought "Can I do this?". But this is probably the most life changing decision I made solely on my own and solely for myself and I'm willing to make it work. Also this would be a 4 day a week shift, with potential shifts on weekend nights (but keeping my Saturdays free!!! hopefully!!) so I can catchup on sleep when needed. I did also speak with my friend Andrew about tips as he functions on like 3 hours of sleep these days. Wild man for sure.
• This also will probably affect how I present gal since ya know... uniform. I'm definitely going to be upping the tan and lenses game for 2026, as well as keeping my hair blonde throughout the year. 
• To get a dumbphone/returning back to the use of my computer. This has been in the thought process since 2025. I am TOO addicted to social media and just being on my phone in general, and I just want to get off of it. Deleting the apps is hard when you can just add them back in, and honestly the LED screen is so bright. So bright. I think removing my smartphone is going to help me a lot. I also bought myself a new laptop back in like... 2024? And I RARELY use it. I used to use my laptop all the time but I moved into being more reliant on my smart phone, it's kind of poopy.
• It's not as easy as it sounds in the US. You really can't get a cute phone which stinks, and I finally came to terms with that, but your options are a minimalist phone or a flip phone. A flip phone sounded nice to me, but there are some things I need to utilize (GPS mostly) that my smart phone has, but a flip phone doesn't.
• There's going to be a lot I didn't think of that I'll need alternatives for. And I kind of want to do that. There is a joy in having inconvenience at times. It's kind of like when my roommate mentioned the quality of my VHS/DVD on the big screen TV we have isn't good, but I noted that well, we actually own the VHS and DVD and aren't paying subscriptions for it. 
• I will need to rely on a few apps for MFA, so I'll probably end up sanitizing my current iPhone to only have the important applications. I'll also be researching how I can get away with MFA via text for instances that only use applications. There's like four major instances I need to use it (Google Auth for one work project, Microsoft Auth, Duo Auth, and Google Prompt). I will figure it out. 
  
• I did actually pre-order a phone to come in during March/April. It was EXPENSIVE... it's a minimalist phone but I think it will be super helpful. I did try buying a cute lil flip phone for 100 bucks but I use the big V phone company and they hate fun. I did check that the phone I got was compatible but if it ain't we'll move with the bit of getting off my father's phone plan (I have like 2 more years in theory but the earlier the happier.)
• Changing how I communicate with people via social media. I will definitely be using instagram from time to time for gyaru comm as that's the best way to socialize with gals and I've made a lot of connections, but I really want to get into more long form AKA BLOGGING!!!! I want to blog more!! I also feel like posting on my personal instagram to my friends feels... less genuine... you only get a small snippet. I feel like blogging more would be super duper fun. 
• Will I still be reachable on instagram? Yes! Of course. I just might pull back on items. I also might move to what Elin has done and use it on PC. I may also keep instagram on my iphone once I swap over to just have a place to post the photos. 
• Will all my blogs be gal related? Sometimes they might not. I might post about social outings that aren't super gal related or just some thoughts on things. I feel like a lot of social media outlets these days hate long form content. And I am not moving to substack...
• This also means after I catch up on a lot of blog posts I fear I will need to modify the blog to be cuter... wish me luck chat.
• I also just know sometimes I have some local friends read this and I want to connect in person more ya know... but I also understand it is difficult... but maybe if you have time to read a blog post, maybe it would feel more like you're talking to me for hours on end about this.
• Remodel my bedroom / get a smaller bed / organize the apartment. I have a lot of apartment tasks since as far as I am aware we are RENEWING!!!!!!! I AM NOT MOVING THIS YEAR!!!!!! AAUUUUUUGHH YES...
• Ya girl isn't getting a GF anytime soon so I think I can revert back to a full or twin bed and make more space for storage. The only thing is like... storage. I thought about getting a loft bed but we have really small ceilings so that will not work unless I put it in like the middle of my room and its awkward asf. Maybe a lower loft to just have shelving bc I don't NEED a desk in there. This will probably be for like. Later this year just to give the universe sometime to like tell me if I'm getting a GF. Hello universe? Are you listening? A sign to get a smaller bed or not please. I'll start planning this later in the year yes yes.
• Also when I do this I have to schedule taking apart my current bed and putting my current bedframe/mattress together to either donate or dispose of. We did figure out mattress disposal last year... so we know how that works. 
• In general my storage situation is kind of wild. I spent so much money last year just buying shit and not like actually considering where I put it that now I'm like AAUUUUGH!!!! However, I also inherited this dresser from the former tenant as she left us some furniture when she moved out and I kind of want to get rid of it and buy a new dresser. This I think I'm aiming to do in the summer. I have no idea how to get this dresser down the stairs. I have to figure out how to take it apart and saw it in half or something. 
• The art room in out apartment hasn't really been used as we just use it for storage and there's this big TV my roommate wants to drill on the wall and I'm like "can we just get rid of it and if we want a smaller TV we just get one at the thrift." But for now, I think on my off days I'd like to start organizing items in there one by one to make it seem more... homey. Lived in. 
• We need rugs. NEED rugs. I got one for my office and love it. We need more rugs!!!
• I don't need a fancy occasion to dress cute. Already planning some OTT days with friends as we go to like. Ikea. 

And I think for this year... 4 big bits is good and a small bit too. And look I started blogging yay!!! 

11/1/2025 - Halloween not-so-woes and some-woes

It's Saturday... you know what that means! It means I blog for a bit. And confidentially, yesterday was Halloween! 

I actually had no idea what I was going to be for halloween. This is an issue every year. I cosplay... I wear fun clothes... but halloween... it's hard to figure it out. My favorite karaoke bar has a competition every year, which I've placed in for the past 2 years, but this year I didn't feel like competing as I was getting too concerned with it. Halloween and karaoke is supposed to be about having fun, so this year I felt like I needed to like, take it easy.

But then came the costume... oh god what was I going to be?! I have so many cosplays but I didn't feel like they'd make sense for halloween. In a way, since I dress up a lot for funsies already, but there still was a weird pressure in the back of my head... even though there wasn't. If that makes sense. I am very harsh on myself and constantly strive for improvement, so I was just... very mad. But also I wanted to be comfy.

Also for the first year I had too many options on what do to do which I think lead to some fomo today... should I have bar hopped? Party hopped? By October 30th I decided I'd just wear a Pokemon Kigurumi. 

But then... I said fuck it... let's go to Savers and see if I can get anything to make Felicity Shagwell. Why Felicity? It's been in the back of my head, and I figured let's do a fun halloween version for now. Sadly, no jumpsuits at the 3 Savers I went to LOL. I ended up getting a denim shirt and some jeans which I cut into shorts, along with a belt with a gold buckle. There was a michaels next door so I squinted at the pictures on my phone to figure out colors, and also found some felt pink butterflies... bless.

So October 30th Crafting: 

I ended up pulling out the sewing machine to bring in the waist on this shirt dress thing and made it too tight. Like I had to rip the shirt at the sides a bit and like squeeze my chest through it to get it on. I was already feeling defeat but after I got it on... I was like... ok I can do this. This is still happening.

I also took the butterflies and painted on a totally not accurate orange detailing, and let that dry over night to attach to my old Byleth boots (will probably try to salvage these to re-wear next time I decide to be Byleth. Then the last item for the night was the belt. 

I ended up buying a tan belt, and for some reason thought I could posca paint on the belt but that was proving very unhelpful early on, so I was like... welp... what do I do... and then I was digging through the craft room and found dark blue leather paint. Now why do I own dark blue leather paint? Why did I buy it? I honestly don't remember. I remember using it for Rhea last minute to fix an ironing issue but I cannot remember for the life of me why I initially bought it. But it saved me a lot of time. After it dried down, I glued down these fun little ribbons, and retired for the night.

The last step was to glue on the zipper (which was not accurate) and trim on the shirt, and then glue the butterflies on the boots. For a 24 hour costume project... not bad.  

There was also the wig, which I originally cut up an old lacefront I had sitting around but realized I cut it waay to short, so I took an old wig and just steamed the bangs back. There was not enough time to make the hair like super perfect but that's ok. 

Overall, the costume was comfy, and slowly fell apart during the night but ... it was Halloween... who cares. I did not see a single Austin Powers. I heard there was one and was devastated I missed them.

My Halloween was just at the local karaoke spot! I think I made the mistake of going out too early and I really should've taken a nap. I never let myself take a nap and force myself to go early... but in the future... naps. Naps are important. 

I did feel a bit of fomo for not bar hopping... but I know myself... I really can't!! I'm getting old!!! LOL!! I yearn for the party life sometimes but I have never been built for it. It can stink sometimes, but I have to remember I had fun overall! :) I did get overstimulated at the end but that's halloween for you I guess... LOL!

I do want to try to seriously make this costume for the future....... yes...

 

10/25 - When not in gal... it's Dale Time. (What do I do outside of the normal slayage?) (This is a trip blog)

WHOA HOLY SHIT!!! THIS IS NOT ABOUT GAL SO IF YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT GAL you can read it anyways LOL!!!!! I think it's fun to document this because I think a lot of my close gal friends know but if you don't, I really like a pitbull or an oppenheimer look once in awhile. I consider myself a cis female and I very much love my feminine side, but there's a lot of joy in putting on a bald cap or a nice wide brim hat and some makeup. I think if anything it's the feeling of just being a silly little guy (I don't have the deal with the societal pressures of men hitting on me for a bit. Except one time I was kagamine len and a random bro did. that was wild !) Also I have like a joy in both pitbull and oppenheimer, I was 10 feet away from pitbull once in my life. Wild stuff.

Aaanyways, a few weeks back two events happened! One, my friends MJ and Ryan came up and asked me to come to a renn faire with them and a lot of other friends!! And two, my friends Gabby and Olivia added me to a group chat to organize a trip to Mohegan Sun for their spookeasy!! And I was like oh shit what do I wear. 

For context, I'm not like super duper into renn faire culture, so I wasn't sure what to wear. I had joked in the past with some friends I'd just dress up as Pitbull as I have done so to events in the past (halloween, anime cons, I even did it for a client meeting upon their request), I also am inspired by @yaldamn on instagram who does Pope pitbull and various versions of other people (guy fieri, that guy from breaking bad), so I wanted to do a fun twist on Pitbull myself.Sso I ordered a renn-faireish outfit to become Sire Worldwide... Sire 305... I will definitely be keeping this outfit and bringing this version of Pitbull back for sure.

For the Spookeasy, the vibe was vampireish, and I didn't want to take off my baldcap, so I had brought my pitbull suit and found a cape at Savers (after like... 4 different locations). Originally we weren't going to go back and I forgot my change of clothes so I was going to be Sire worldwide... but that part shows up later in the blog I'm getting ahead of myself here.

I don't feel like uploaded the one photo of me and the cursed lafufu but the night before I met with with my friend Alexa who was also going to both events, we went out for hot pot for the first time (I need to get better at seasoning things) and I bought one of the cursed lafufu where you can remove the fur. My ultimate ISO lafufu. Great. Then I drank a whole bottle of Soju and we went back to Alexa's place to sleep to prep for the fun day!

I actually have really been enjoying eyesight but didn't want to wear my glasses, so I used the last of my loveil lenses for prescription and... it's very funny wearing circle lenses for my lil guy cosplays, it's very funny. I look a little scary. Also having a beard really makes me look like I have a much more smaller jaw... contouring I suppose. I also had pulled out my Sabina Shima glasses as I had just... not remembered my pitbull aviators, but they still git the vibe very well.

We got to the rennfaire and hadn't walked for long and I met my TWIN!!!! I was like TWIN!!! OH MY GOD!!!! And he was like "we should get a picture!" and I was like ABSOLUTELY!!!

He was so fun, he also was doing a fun little marketing campaign for this like... in person dungeons and dragons larp event? I honestly might look into this for 2026 and take EJ and some friends with me (I literally just got up from blogging to tell this to EJ before I forgot). It was just so funny to find a twin in this! 

We did a LOT of walking, a lot of talking, and not a lot of picture taking LOL. I learned a lot of people talk in character and it's very... LARP? I'm horrible at roleplay but I was trying to fit more of the "Sire Worldwide" vibe. A good amount of people asked "Are you Pitbull?" and I was like "Sire Worldwide... Sire 305... at Thine Service" and people LOVED IT! It was fun! There were also people dressed up as various anime and video game characters too, I talked to Ryuji for a bit and it was very fun! 

The only others pictures we got were with these rats!! Lots of various rat fixtures at this Renn Faire. I also took a picture of my friend Ryan with rats! 

It did start raining throughout the day, and it was cold but we had brought umbrellas, but we all had decided to leave early because it was starting to be a bit miserable LOL. But overall, the experience was really fun. I got to meet up with a lot of people I only see once in awhile (like usually when MJ and Ryan held get togehters) and they're all very fun! We talked about how it was good to see each other again! I know I'll be seeing some of them again soon! 

Initally I forgot my change of clothes but since we left early and the next event wasn't for a few hours, so we went back, I changed (and the fact I put the bald cap on only partially was more apparent). Then we went to pick up MJ who decided to join us, and we went to Mohegan!!!

I forgot to take pictures at the spookeasy... I know they exist somewhere... someone else took pictures... but overall it was nice! Was a definitely one time experience per year. I got a few of the apple cider drinks and the gambling voices were getting louder, so please enjoy this montage of me looking for a Huff n' Puff machine to play slots on.

It is also at this point I do not want to influence any of you to play the slots. 

LMAO @ Gabby doing this pose while I'm putting money in the machine.

I lost 160 dollars. Don't play the slots unless you're aware you're throwing your money away. Though positive twist Mohegan is unionized and we are supporting the Mohegan tribe.... so I didn't actually feel bad. My friend Eli told me later maybe I should've done Huff n' More Puff... he was so right.... There's so many variants but some are better than the others.... I was just drunk and ran for the first one LOL!!!

Overall: Very good. I got to see Gabby and Olivia and hang out more with MJ and Alexa. We all looked very cool (4 vampires and 1 druid) and people thought we were super cool!! :D

Will I got to Mohegan Sun again? Probably. May be going in November. I actually normally go to Foxwoods once in a blue moon for bingo with is owned by the Mashantucket Pequot Tribal Nation, also unionized... 

Ok... the gal-less blog is over for now hehe... but expect more Dale adventures in the future....